did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
