The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
