Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
