She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
