either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
