Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
