I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
COCAINE IS GR8
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
