Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
