textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
