Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
