Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's official drugs can't kill me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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