I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
