I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
