I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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