I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
