my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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