Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
