I need to stop coming to work sober
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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