Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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