I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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