You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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