It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
