I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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