I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
