i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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