Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
