the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
