I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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