In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
