I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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