I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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