apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
