got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pee on everything he values.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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