i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
