My room smells like vodka and shame
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
