Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
