alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
