im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
