so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
