her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think my moral compass just broke
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