I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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