I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
