I wanna bring you to show and tell
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
