I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
