i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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