Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
