Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
