I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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