i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
