Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
