Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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