I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
