This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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