im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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