SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
