he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
