maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
