Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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