you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
