he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
