So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
