just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize