Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
