It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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