I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
