how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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