I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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