I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Alive.
So much puke
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
