I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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