He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
