I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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