dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
