I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
