can u get pink eye on your cock?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
