I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
